I was a Junior, majoring in Nursing, attending a Christian college, saved by the blood of the Lamb, loved by my family, yet sad. To say that the guilt from the past was a heavy load is the understatement of the century. It was not just guilt from my own misdeeds. It was guilt from feeling unworthy to live. After all, my own father didn't love me (in my mind). My stepfather couldn't love me, all he cared about was how much money I could make. I sought counsel from a few people, all of which told me to just "read my Bible and trust the Lord". It was not bad advice. I was surrounded by people, yet alone.
Before I go any further, I'd like to say that I do not blame my parents for my life. There has been some talk of that and if that is what you think, I cannot change your mind. For us, though, to ignore the fact that your relationship with your parents teaches you about a relationship with Christ, would be crazy. If you cannot see that, you are past the point of help. :-)
It was Christmas break and I had gone on a camping trip with my grandparents. I'm sure I was horrible company because who wants to be around a sad person? We got back from the trip on Friday morning. That night I left. I told my mom that I was going to a friend's house. I got in the car and drove and drove. I ended up in Wytheville, Va. I do not remember how I got there. That should tell you how far my mind was gone at this point. On the way, I did stop for gas and I called one of the counsellors that I had spoken with to say goodbye. I got to Wytheville, checked into a hotel room. I called another friend to say goodbye. The plan was to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills and when I felt them "kicking in" to slit my wrists.
At that point, I was beyond distraught. It was weird because I had never seen snow so beautiful as I saw that night falling on the streets of Wytheville. I sat down in a chair, took the pills, then uttered a prayer. I said, "Lord, I don't know what I can ever do for you, but if you want me to live then I need a miracle and I need it NOW!" Seriously, at that moment, there was a knock on the door. I opened the door and there stood a policeman and he was a Christian too. I cannot say I was overjoyed to be rescued, but there was a feeling of warmth in my heart and knowing~the knowing that the Lord of Glory cared about me and spared my life that night.
You may be wondering how the police found me. My friend that I called was married to a deputy. He had his department trace my call and that is how they located me. My mother and sisters were beside themselves!
Life after that moment was very difficult. The law required me to stay in a mental facility for a week. If you thought I was crazy, you should have been there to meet the folks I met. Looking back, I can see how that experience was good for me. I can now realize the needs of others and understand their concerns.
I thought this would be a three-part story, but I guess we need a part four....